I've spent the past month being the philosopher. Considering all of my options, thinking about why, who I am, what I'm going to do, making my own beliefs. Now I've got all that figured out. The answer to all of my questions is no longer 'I don't know,' it has become 'I don't know, but I am.'
In between my inane thoughts, class has gone by slowly. It's hard to keep up. This semester is fairly intense. I don't know if I can make it. I think I'm going to fail a few of my classes, which is frustrating. I'm trying so hard and getting nowhere.
The moments that filter through between classes are complicated at best. My life is filled with homework, a lack of sleep, and friends. I have a friend with benefits. Things between us are interesting. Whether he actually cares for me or not, I don't know. I'm not sure on my opinions on him either. Then there are a few other boys. The one that I used to like, the one that likes me (who was the best friend of the one that I used to like, just to make things a bit more confusing), and the one that I like but who lives out of state. Not to mention the friend with benefits. I really wish I didn't like my out of state boy, he's so cocky and he knows it, but he can (and has, I'm sure) literally charmed the pants off a girl.
Boys make up one convoluted aspect of the grand picture. School the other, and society the third. I can't wait until next semester, to give things a fresh start and see where all of this meaningless effort has gotten me.
I still need a job. Money has become something sparse for me. I was thinking of becoming a psychology experiment, but that's only open to Psychology students, unfortunately. Its too bad I can't get paid to not sleep, I'd be rich then.
Sometimes I think it's not worth it, that it'd be easier to simply drop out of life completely, but then I realize that I've seen far too many people go down that road, and I don't want to be one of them.
There's something strange behind looking at a mirror just to figure out one's self.